alzheimer-free

i’ll be moving my thoughts and updates to http://accukix.wordpress.com for it to be useful in a sense.  friendster blogs are not crawled by google so as not to have hits.  try searching "accumosaic" in google and all of the 39 hits relate to ours as of 14:41 february 15, 2007.  also some of the article entries are tagged so as to get traffic to some people i mention.  i almost forgot.  searching rj juarez now on google gets me the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th hit of the first page.  try searching yours.hehehe

i guess im slightly taking this writing thing seriously.  i’ll laugh a lot if my spare time can still be an earning activity with google adsense.hehehe some people actually earn (3000 USD from just writing because of the 20,000 hits per day traffic).  also, i want to study some technical writing.  i know i love this but i dont have the technical skills for this.

pero i kind of love this without being paid a dime.  actually my definition of love now is doing something happily without being paid (or a more appropriate term is without the need to use or get something in return).hehehehe

joke!

please visit the site often.

ps.  upon the request of sophie, i’ll copy some posts here while my primary blog remains on wordpress.  thanks

what do we treasure about our love one that is beyond compare (or to rephrase that can not be compared)?  sige na gani! in kanto boy terms, "paano mo mapamatud-an nga wala mo ginagamit lang ang imo karelasyon?"
as i noticed most people choose their partner based on physical appearance and attractiveness.  by the time their bodies get bloated (a usual occurence in pregnancy and going to beer junkies) a different assumption of the situation is taken in. when people primarily treasure their partner because of sex(iness) and displayability (what a word!), then the 84% probability that atleast one of the partners is cheating is holding ground (on average 60% of people do, so its a combined 84% probabability that atleast one seriously cheats in a lifetime while presenting a smile to their kids when going home..hehehe).  so enough with the physical comparisons because our only body depreciates and the insatiability of wants only increases.  that’s morethan common sense!hehehe

some people choose their partner primarily on intellect.  this is less of a deteriorating facet.  if you found a superbly intellectual partner, its less likely you’ll find a more intelligent one (because finding a sexier choice is easier..hehehe) but it is also inevitable that people are only getting smarter. so as to shaken this choice, when a new intelligent human being just presents itself from mere social probabilities.hehehe

on wealth, there are families broken because one partner became broke!  also, some expectations on earning potential is not met. their is also a risk that a chosen partner has a disastrous spending problem which might again rock the boat when things get rough or a better choice promote itself.  people are oftentimes blinded by money (infact the secret of successful individuals is to always choose ideas before money)

there is always a wealthier person, a sexier person, a more intelligent person and other comparisons which can be presented in a more dramatic superlative adjective.hehehe people who never consider this possibility will ofcourse blindly fall to its trap.  i guess not morethan 90% could say they had not used this simple parameters on choosing the one they have now..  i wanted to hear things that may sound "weird".  something distinct you like in a person that is beyond compare but will be of no value to most people.  what’s valuable to you (which you can exchange to all of the above parameters) that’s actually of no real value?

a cynic view, are we just silver coating on the word "love", a real need to "use" people if we value them on intellect, wealth or physical attraction?  can their be "love" minus the "use"?

just joking, after your valentine spending rituals!

i was touched by this passage: "plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed"

the "consultative council" thing that i have been practicing for years was amazing to see in a bible’s passage. its included in bro. pio español’s talk on the kerygma feast last feb 7. the talk was about "the key to winning every race". perhaps it is true. this has been my secret for not loosing a dime in business. i talk to a lot of people on critical decisions without hesistancy. most of them thinks that i’m better to decide on my own and that their opinion is of less value (since most are not entrepreneurs). if only they knew, that i really draw ideas from them and mix it.  even if i don’t follow all of their ideas perfectly, its helpful..hehehe

i talk to people coming from the streets, from people where i strucked a 2 hour conversation out of nowhere (most of the times not remebering their names), to people from the academe, to corporate folks, to government people, to inventors, to artists, to pedicab drivers, to experienced entrepreneurs, to old people (which i like talking because of timely wisdom), to kidnappers even, to our parish priest, to some crushes here and there and to my key people. this process offers a diverse view of things on differents social, political and just plain life setting! this diverse view of things taken piece-wise will be anything but utterly useless. but if mixed together with an open mind you would consider things that were not done before.

something quite magical. something excitingly genius. some idea that’s as pure and complicated as love..hehehe perhaps when people ask, where did you get all these new business concepts? im answering "we developed it". ofcourse its the only thing we did, build on and develop to what would have been useless singular ideas. i guess most of the heralded genius concepts are found on the streets and the bible. its not mostly from white-collar corporate desks..hehehe and i guess even my most wildly-creative marketing concepts are influenced by the bible..its seeing outside the box of normalism!whahahaha what a word..

let me give an example, a pedicab driver whom i talked wants water to be priced low for him to afford it for his family (market demand), an entrepreneur friend says that its impossible for a lot of costs are involved (cost acctg), an electronics enthusiast was excited about automating magnetic valves but is blank on how to use it (the cost controller), an established eccentric inventor friend can draw up the plan for the challenge’s sake but do not know how to sell (technical design), an automation engineer friend who don’t have a break to be popular wants to use a PLC-SMS controller (R&D), another one has capital but only knows typical busnesses bound to lose (financial)..hehehe what i did is just add a little of improvements in the engineering design, management of product development and aesthetics and drawing up a marketing plan and voila! its something..waaaaaaaaaaah!hehehe

ok. so enough for that..where is the moral of the story? in our present day society which pushes us to specialize with higher education it kind of veers away from "knowledge enlargement" needed in business and life in general. we are made to be good "technicians", specialist in a sense (even on office work) for us not to own our time to develop a compendium of ideas..or simply not to have the time to have coffee and pasta with these diverse friends at our time..hehehe because of the above paragraph, we tend to be proud and not even consider talking to a lowly takatak boy. because "what would we get from them?" our specialist mind thinks..hehe "im more intelligent than a takatak boy so as for him to not deserve even a minute of my time".

to cut the story short, to have success in life is to humbly ask for advices from a mix of people contrary to what our white-collar success pushes us not to believe. its to listen and ask. plain and simple.hehehe and not complain and wish for something in the sky!

i was driving around the city yesterday in the midst of city traffic to go around some biz friends, cabling contractors (needed an engineering contractor for roof to shop rj11 cabling that follows sm’s standards), lunch with suppliers, some groups study activities and listening to the kerygma feast. me and my apprentice’s topic inside the vehicle was change and our resistance to it. i was sharing how i felt. that i’m reluctant to change although it is inevitable.

i want to be in the same clothes, same friends, same level of reluctant acceptance in conversations, same treatment with acquiantances and the likes. i still want to be hated by the people who despised me, the people who says that im dreaming too much, the people who never believed in my ideas, the people who laughed, the people who thinks we are just bragging about none bankable ideas, the people who once said that i should work instead of dreaming a business from nothing and generally the "can’t do" and "negative people" forcing their nega thought. without their knowledge, they helped me more by not believing. my mind is so wired to be motivated with demotivations! i don’t want all of this to change. maybe morethan half of those people have already changed their minds and hated me less if not liking what i do now. and it eats up my motivation..hehehe also with the projected hyper-growth because of a low point in my life now (hmmm..i usually have hyper-growths on this times), im quite reluctant to change my lifestyle. even if i wanted to have my regular t-shirt and shorts faded if not charred sa kaluma-an parang di na pwede ganoon if some serious typical biz person asks for a meeting (maybe a SY in sometime..hehe who knows?).

i also don’t want to lose my friends now for maybe being grouped with new people for social activities. i want to talk of the same dreams, ideas, sadness and challenges at this entrepreneurial level. ofcourse if i talk about something that is lesser in earning capacity than what i have previously done (they might not be interested in talking about an automatic thing in their assumptions). i remembered processing the certificate of creditable withholding tax sa sm accounting department last month, the officer was saying "you have to go to the owner to correct some entries in the form" and the people who knew me at her back was smiling at me. after a few more stretching of time they joking said, "sya na mapirma"..hehehe crystal was saying that i should dress more professional-like. but its not me! or im just a hard headed resistant to change person.. maybe the only thing that’s been sealing our inevitable growth is my reluctance to change.  instead of growing a seeded project, i plant another seed to be treated as the same lowly seed grower.  but again, 3 of my key people are getting married and so this is maybe the time to grow all our seeds to flourishing trees.  because by the time they have families, we will have different needs.  we have been too patient for grwoth too long but had more experience from it.

daw mapilitan na ko ni magbayo insakto..hehehe

for the past days i was afraid and excited!

i was afraid that i can’t handle this oppurtunity that god beyond comprehension allowed me to have and i was excited that this might just be the oppurtunity that god provided to me to afford a decent family life.  this oppurtunity is sm prime holdings approval of my 4-year on process concept profile!  a satellite tv office inside sm malls.  im afraid that i can’t handle the 10,000 subscribers of panay and the 400 or so being added each month.  im afraid that i can’t handle the financial requirements of the subscriptions (10,000 x 690 subscription/month) is 6.9M.  AccuDish will earn 10% from that. because of the amazement of dream satellite tv’s top execs of our company breaking into the sm mall fortress that had been eluding them for years (for non provincial residing people, this is the best biz site in a provincial setting) they offered us from 4,000 margin per new installation at a minimum.  an out of sm dealership can handle 100 new subscriptions a month at 2000 margin per new installation.  i’m realistically expecting at least this number when the ship runs calm.  and mind that each time we service non-warrantied subscribers from other dealers we could charge 1,000 at a minimum.  im expecting 10% of the market on the minimum, 60% on the maximum and a likely 25-30% on the average.

the above paragraph is my fear.  i fear that i have most of the pieces of this puzzle. i have time and tested experience on satellite systems (even on hacking the firmwares), i have a long-trained experienced core staff for this, i have the support of dream’s top execs because of amazement, i have the support of sm prime because of our accumosaic concept and being bullish, brilliant in a product innovation sense and young! as of now, i have only the amount to support 1 day of inventory requirement and initial development of site.  even if dream would provide me beyond comprehensible credit lines because of long relationships and track record, i am very fearful!

now, where’s the excitement part? i was excited to tell her after that intro that maybe this is the thing that could help us afford to have a decent family life. a respectable duty for our future kids and the likes.  but i was dismayed the past week, it can’t even reach to the above paragraphs.  she says "dali lang, busy gd." and then cuts. that’s 12mn! i know that sgv is that squeezingly efficient with their personnel so i understood continously.  but as the days past by all of my positivist thoughts are slowly loosing morale.  so this evening i forced the issue and told her my piece.  we ended up arguing about time and attention because she would want the topic cutted as fast as possible (maybe because of work pressure that i still understand). i never had the chance to tell her how excited i am to start a family with her.  well maybe its not meant to be.  i’m sad.  but i never have the guilt feelings.  i never felt i did anything wrong.  unlike the previous instances where i’m fabricating problems because i may have been more interested with business, some women or some other stuff. 

i still respect her. this is the consequence of loving a successful person.  but all i wanted was for her to listen without arguing about petty things for 10 minutes to maybe feel happier amidst pressure cooker situations! just listen and nothing else! am i too selfish to continually call for 20 or more times the previous week for a solemn 10 minutes?

daw kasala.

perhaps "listen" is such a powerful concept placed inside the box of this six letter word.  perhaps for people who don’t, such a concept doesn’t exist.  maybe there is this non-conformist part of me which makes me listen less and be continually bullish with my own thoughts.  and my record of not loosing (though not necessarily earning much) blindly pushes me to non-conformity.

i get a certain hype when people tell me that its wrong and not doable (a hype to do it more).  kaya i’m having a prob now on interpreting crystal’s view of stopping this used sanitary napkin art (see www.accumosaic.com).  because she knows my non-conformist personality and might just not mean it in toto but rather further motivate me..hehehe or perhaps i’m a person who really don’t listen.. i have observed that the more people believe on things they previously thought not doable the more i get demotivated to do it.  i love people to despise me, to not listen, to hate and to be angrily nerve wracked (hala..im giving some people a clue).  it motivates me more.

and because of that thought-process and some successes with it.  it makes me a non-conformist hard headed bullish non-listener. sometimes i feel that it’s wrong.  for example, i like this hard wood frames coz for my taste it looks great and has an aesthetic value!  im forcing this thought to people and have been continually explaining its diference with popular polystyrene frames.  ofcourse there are some people who actually liked it but i continually didn’t listen to more of people’s opinions.  opinions like:

1.  "it looks great aesthetically but its too big for our home."

2.  "it looks affordable but our budget could not afford it."

3.  "it looks heavy and non-minimalist for modern homes."

4.  "wow, it takes a long to make!"

5.  "we can’t preview the finish product since it’s custom-made"

6.  "its too flaunting for a conservative illongo home"

i did not listen to these because i believed so much on what i think and believed that i could sway people to my thoughts.  in reality, i may have shifted some expectations and provided new options but its non compatible to most people’s homes, ceiling height, purchasing power.  its big, lengthy and a lot of other nega things.  sometimes i hate my idea of being in business "to learn than earn".  i wanted to learn if i could really push what i wanted to the market instead of listening into the market.  and i got what i wanter by earning less.  if i just listened with the polystyrene thing it would have earned me more.  but for the past 5 months, i did not.  just today.

businesswise it costs less, its faster to make (20 minutes or so), it has a lot of variety (since plastic moulds are used), it will provide higher margin ratios, it’s not heavy, it can be transported easily, no need for personnel assistance and most of all it will fit in with the designs of a regular home of the target market.

so foolish of me to push on what i like and not hear what the market wants.  i would like to give some other examples on its effect on my personal life but i’m too tired of seing in my face all my foolishness.

i have made a new blog on www.accumosaic.com.  its actually connected sa www.accumosaic.wordpress.com but since its too long for site recall i just linked it to the recallable domain.

in there, you could see some of my design concepts, challenges, processes and techniques used in the studies of doing some art pieces.  my recent post has this url http://accumosaic.wordpress.com/2007/01/22/blood-stained-sanitary-napkins-as-an-artpiece/

its about using sanitary napkins as an artpiece.  please feel free to comment on the site as it will be very helpful after laborious work on that thing!hehehe  it is also a trial site for my proposed full service website with online payment options to cater most western clients.  possibly 2co or paypal.  it will be very helpful if you could tell me info regarding content expectations of you as a reader or a possible client for that matter.  non techie people are encouraged to comment.

let us first treat the words as separate concepts.

decongestion (errr…not checking the dic again and giving my own..whahaha) is giving a lee-way to a very tight situation.  look at my newly uploaded pic where my nose was decongested with our regular almost 4-inch cotton buds (it was eye poppingly painful!whaaaaaaaaaa).  and imagine that the doctor enticed me that it feels like nothing (what a heck!).  when he prepared the 18-inch flexible laryngoscopy camera i was saying to myself are you sure what your going into rj (this is just a simple cough rj right?)?

slowly the snakelike thing entered the insides of my nose and made a "u" turn to enter my mouth (i was tearing with pain at that moment).  when he further pushed thru my throat to see my larynx (i shouted and coughed..coughing while that "thing" was inside my oral self!whahahaha).

let’s define the other word..unemployment.  it is a very far reaching topic than what most of us in the educated metro thinks.  its not only seeing our college classmates not being employed (yet still subsidized by their parents) and not only usual UP folks jumping in and out a job wishing a deserving job!  in a more graphic manner, it is the unavailability of the local government and local industries to support a living for the regular barrio folk.

and even if decongesting my nose to reach the larynx was such a painful and hard experience, this "unemployment" is in the same way a more painful and hard experience for our society.  for me, it erases the respectability of the "honorable-prefix" of our politicians because we are ineffective as a society if we become great while leaving a lot of people in the countryside on the "unemployment quick sand".

i really feel disheartened hearing that what unemployed people want is only a 300 peso/week job to support their families yet no one can give it to them on a more stable frequency.  it is largely dependent on the seasonal variations of our economy.  they go from people to people just to ask for "jobs" or "food" (and not even money!).  from planting rice, to tilling the soil, to harvesting palay, to being a helper in a construction, to odd jobs here and there, to being a sex-provider of the town-plazas at night (receiving a 20-peso "janitorial fee" from the town gays or fish traders), to being an ingenious theif (most nang popular "illonggo group" are from nearby towns)!

i can not simply blame them..in fact, if i’m in that predicament with my wife crying seeing our son squeeze sa "gutom", i might do any of the things above.  people can not simply say, magtrabaho ka!  kasi they are!  i can not really imagine how 300 pesos per week is budgeted by the lucky ones who get a 2-month milling job in the rice mills (and it just crushes me thinking of the unlucky ones who don’t).  parang hindi na ako pwede kumain nang steak sa pancake house when i want to kasi i just imagine that it’s a week of substinence to a family of 4 and isang kain ko lang!

kaya when someone from the metro goes to a town and start asking questions relating to minimum wage provided by the local employers and how is it different with their "city standards", people emphatize the local employers.  puro naman "dada" yung intellectuals na yan at wala naman maitulong sa local unemployment scene as they say.  and the minimum wage earners of the city can never have a larger "disposable income" than the underpayed countryside employees (considering travel expense and/or billeting expense).

i feel really blessed, feeling the true concern of my people when i get a little sick (a simple cough for this matter).  parang i feel the sincerity and the concern (pinapagalitan na nila ako dahil hindi matigas yung ulo na hindi magpagamot!).  maybe because in my own little way i decongested "life" to them (offering at times twice, thrice or even four times the regular town rate with regularity).  with these, i will still continue employing the rejects of corporate philippines and help them dream of things not thought by most "highly graded morons".  parang even if i don’t earn much, the fulfillment that this gives makes me see life in a brand new light!

continually use me dear lord to show your love to people in the countryside.  i challenge people, stop talking and start helping people in the countryside with employment (and not just 1 time give-aways) for a better philippines!

i need to release all of my hurting and traumatic experiences earlier in life to be more of a person that has life!  a life of positiveness and thanksgiving to our lord.

i’ve drawn out the "heart thorn" part mid last year.  now i’ll draw out the "mind thorn".  this thorn hits my emotions and persona with pacquiao-like piercing blows when i was younger.

previously, i can’t accept the fact that i have a 99 percentile UPCAT result in math and feels and thinks like a dumb sa UP undergrad math courses.  i feel like an IDIOT!  i feel like a huge DUMB!  and i’m crying in isolation eating up my pride that i’m doing everything and spending every possible time to study math but still fail.  am i just lucky to get that exam rating and i’m for the long time the plainest dumb?

and i never knew the answer to that question until today.

i was amazed and even happy listening how my grad school classmates presented answers for our quantitative analysis course even if wala ang professor.  i was happy that i understood it and thought that was easy.  i was also specially appreciative of how our classmate from westbridge (forgot his name..sorry) explained conceptually the normal curve.  it were things i should have already learned from highschool (if only i was in class and not in chess training).  how did it happened that i still don’t know this things conceptually even in college ?

it’s because of a lot of fortuitous events.  events that haunted me from my young life.  this resulted to my taking up of a master’s degree for the main purpose of EMOTIONAL RELEASE and nothing else.

1.  i was an immature 16 to 18 year old at that time.

2.  entering UP with just a 3rd year HS schooling on my brain (because of chess!). 

3.  i did not have enough money at that time.  our family can not afford to get a boarding house and separate budgeting of meals so as to burden me with the 1 hour atleast travel to and from barotac nuevo each stressing day.  i produce my own money from petty businesses like wood framing and t-shirt printing on days before enrollment.

4.  i do not have any book.  borrowing from the library then would make me wait until the 5pm release when my class ends at 230pm.  on exam days, i’m always late to reserve book in the library since im still from barotac nuevo and always left without a book, a classmate to assist or a teacher to really guide (but ofcourse this is how things are run in UP).

5.  i always choose to leave early to tend the small business that i started (a PC at that time to do desktop publishing designs).  and i’m just happy processing the orders and giving all of the proceeds (and not hold even a dime) to my mother.

6.  i also often skip lunch to save.

7.  i can’t simply act the "pakapal poor boy" way.  since i have a military colonel father and no one would believe in such a funny situation to be receive any help from friends (but not much since i have poor boy friends also).

8.  i don’t ask any extra money since i have proper common sense in not asking from something that is in itself lacking.  it delimits my informal activities spent in school to get informal tutoring from my classmates.  in short, i have no support group for the school pressures.  by the way, i have never attended any evening activity in UP (and you guessed right.  i can not afford the more costly transportation to our town if i leave late)

i guess this explains why no matter how i want to study well.  i can not understand.  Thanks to this grad school, it dawned to me so brightly that it was nearly impossible to ask so much help from the lord at that time with these predicament in place.

if i were the "rj" today, i know i could have done way better since things now are not quite like these.  but in retrospect if i haven’t learned life lessons from streets and hardships at that time, would i be the "rj" today.  i migt just be a scholarly highly-graded moron who knows a lot of things but can not make a lot of things happen from nothing?  things like making a difference to atleast 20 families because of employment.

to be able to be free from this emotional problems,  i guess i should perform well in grad school.  since most of the barriers are already broken down and i have my 20 or so staff to do the business things for me.  i only work now by choice and not because i need to, i hope i will be released from this thorn.

whatever may have happened, i know that god has chosen the best path for me with his "invisible hand" of guidance.  i’m sorry lord for doubting your magnifiscence in letting me fall ealier in life in able to mold me strongly today.

thank you lord jesus.